Change is in the air at the Liberati house. There's a definite feel of excitement as smiles are swapped and shoulder-shrug grins are tossed about. It's that feeling families get when a very important visitor is expected. It's definitely the feeling I got when I was young and my grandparents, aunts and uncles from far away were coming for a visit. I mean, the vacuum cleaner was out and we were still smiling and still being helpful. The couch was moved over a foot or two, a table was slid to the opposite side of the room for better positioning, and another very important piece of furniture was washed and brought back to life from the garage. It's not a visitor, though, that's arriving next weekend, and it's not a house guest all together. It's not party preparation, and it's definitely not Santa Claus. Nope, the event that's got our family in a constant state of anticipation is the arrival of a brand new baby puppy.

That's right. We're doing it again, and we're starting from scratch. Yesterday was our day to prepare 'her' room, the family room, that is. And 'her' is an eight week old chocolate lab. If you recall from an earlier blog post, we lost our beloved Toffee in early June. Her void left a hole so deep and wide that we found ourselves still catching our breath at the realization that she's gone. Not really an unexpected hole, but one that we thought we could fill with everyday life. Turns out, as I told Officer Buckle, "We're dog people, you and I."

We thought our lives would be easier without a dog to take care of, without the added worry. But as it turns out, our lives were not only easier with a dog, but more fulfilling when there was another living creature in the center hub of our family who was encouraging love and affection and reminding us how to love unconditionally.

But leave it to me to be the one who plays the part of 'Debbie Downer,' and who has a difficult time with change, even positive change. When all was said and done yesterday, and all of the puppy's new essentials were bought and in their rightful place, I had an uncomfortable feeling I couldn't ignore. So when my daughter went back to school and my son retreated upstairs, and Officer Buckle remained busy working on a new floor project in the office, all was quiet and I found myself alone once again in the quiet confines of my rocking chair; a place where my deepest of thoughts are given permission to rise and surface. It was then I allowed the nagging feeling that had been tucked safely and so deeply inside of me to keep me from addressing it, to surface and bear its face. And what was it, or better yet, who was it? Ahh, the face of fear, dought, uncertainty, and...guilt. Will we be good enough for this little puppy? Will she be good enough for us; meaning, and I don't want to compare, but she as awfully big shoes to fill, paws, that is. Am I expecting the new puppy to be exactly like Toffee?

It reminded me of a time in my life eighteen years ago when I once wondered if number two could be as good as number one. When I was expecting my second child, I became afraid near the due date. I wondered how I could possibly love another baby as much as the one I already had. (I told you I was a Debbie Downer) I prayed about it and kept those thoughts to myself, and my answer came in full force when my son was placed in my arms. You see, my heart grew when I held him and looked into his eyes. I was in love again, my fears disappeared, and I understood. So I understood again, yesterday, after calming down and thinking back in time. Our new little puppy will be her own new creature with her own personality. Perhaps there will be some similarities, as there often times are, but really, all she has to do is to be a puppy, and our hearts will grow.

I hope to share pictures and a name next time I write. And, ooh, what's that feeling? No bother, it's just my heart growing and making room.

The Silver Side of Life