Looking out my window early Sunday morning and it's crystal clear, already sunny, the birds are singing, and of course, the grass is spectacular, better than normal. Why? Other than being spring? It rained this week. It rained and rained and rained! It rained so much that it was particularly hard to think happy thoughts on Monday...Tuesday...Wednesday...when all the students were trapped inside, but we made sure to concentrate on what was happy and what we were thankful for during our morning prayer. The first thing we do in my class is thank God for what's in our lives. And this week it was...rain. And when someone blurted out 'worms' I had to agree. Worms are great! And they were everywhere this week.

They covered my driveway and the parking lots at school. There was no way to avoid stepping on them during recess, and the students got used to them. All my life I thought that worms came out in the rain to play because they loved it so much. Kind of a cool happy thought, but I recently learned differently from my son, whose teacher also happened to think about worms. They're not coming up from the soil because they like rain, they're drowning. What! All these years I imagined them coming out to play. Wrong. As it turns out, there's a certain amount of oxygen in the soil that worms require and are able to obtain in moist soil. Not rain saturated soil, just moist. So, when they worms are overwhelmed with rain and lack of oxygen, they get their heads (actually their skin) out of the ground.

As it turns out, I needed to follow the advice of worms this week when I was feeling overwhelmed, drowning in anxiety, and feeling panicky. My silver status is reaching another milestone and I need to do as the worms, and concentrate on breathing. My youngest is graduating. There, I said it. I'm so very proud of him and all that he's accomplished throughout his school years, but I'm not really thinking about him as much as...ME. I know that he'll receive his diploma very soon, and yes, I'm so very, very excited for him, but I'm being selfish and thinking how this will affect me and what I'm about to lose. I have to say goodbye to a part of my life that I treasure! Being a mother of school-aged children has been my way of life for 15 years, and it's all about to change.

My family went to his high school concert on Friday night...his final concert. If you were there and noticed something out of sorts...someone jumping seats and aisles to get a better view, that was me. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I didn't want to lose sight of him for a second. He's a percussionist, and percussionists physically move locations throughout the songs to play different instruments. Maybe if I somehow never lost sight of him...stared at him, jumped seats and taped him, I could hold on to his childhood for just a little longer.

And next Wednesday when I stand at the kitchen counter, the same one I've stood for the last 15 years, and have kiddingly nicknamed 'the lunch station,' and reach for the last brown paper bag to make his lunch, will I be able to do it with composure? Will I be able to do it without another cry?

And how about in two weeks when he so proudly goes off for his prom..."Your last prom, Mom," he has said. Will I be the only mother crying?

Life is about change, and change can be more difficult for some than others. My silver know this so very well as my tears have been drowning me in anticipation of what is to come. So I'll do as the worms do and find my oxygen. I'll concentrate the next couple of weeks and think positively, thinking of the next stage of life that both my son and myself will be entering, and looking forward to the new and exciting activities that lay ahead. Breathe...

On a lighter side note...Officer Buckle can't understand my tears. "What about me? What about my lunch? Oh, and now that the weather is warming, put in an extra ice pack."

The Silver Side of Life